21 Hilarious Tweets That Ain’t Exactly Intellectual

1.

Dr: I was going to ask if you were sexually active but-

Me [wearing hot dog costume]: but what

2.

Here is a list of things that are invisible:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)

3.

Kool Aid Man's kids probably never felt safe when they were masturbating.

4.

[being interviewed after losing beatboxing battle] were you just saying "p-p-p-pulled pork sandwiches" over and over?

5.

*tries to wave goodbye to the genie without spilling my 3 giant milkshakes*

7.

me: i mean seriously guys, what idiot gets killed by an astroid
crowd: [laughing]
dinosaurs in crowd: wow fuck this guy

8.

[hiding in pantry from murderer]
[quietly tries to open bag of chips]

9.

Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.

10.

I like the phrase "I wasn't born yesterday" because it emphasizes the fact that babies are stupid.

11.

Dentist- "You have to wear a mouth guard because you grind too hard." Me- "On the dance floor?" Dentist- "No. What are you talking about?"

12.

[Cop arresting a centipede]
*clink*
*clink*
*clink*
*clink*
*clink*
*opens crate of new handcuffs*
*clink*
*clink*
*clin

13.

which is why i begin my sentences in the middle

14.

big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too small to contain men. so what the fuck

15.

Rejected Disney Movie Titles:
1) Find My Fish Son
2) A Shit Ton Of Spotted Dogs
3) Peter Pot
4) Pretty Lady & Big Foot Face
5) It's Cold

16.

Interviewer: "Are you good at making snap decisions?"

*20 minutes later*

Me: "No."

17.

*texting*

sister: grandma passed away..

me: sadface.gif

me: did that load

18.

My Ex works in a pharmacy,so whenever i want to spoil her mood I wil just go there and buy condom for no reason sometimes i go 3 times a day

19.

How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.

20.

WOLVERINE'S DAD: Son do you know why I named you Wolverine
WOLVERINE: No, father
WOLVERINE'S DAD: It is because my name is Wolverine's Dad

21.

I don't know why we have three different pig emojis but it's great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching:
πŸ–

🐷

🐽










Comments

comments

Filed in: Vines

You might like:

16 True Crime Podcasts That Will Entertain You While Also Scaring The Crap Out Of You 16 True Crime Podcasts That Will Entertain You While Also Scaring The Crap Out Of You
Steelers Player Who Stood Alone During The National Anthem Says He “Made A Mistake” Steelers Player Who Stood Alone During The National Anthem Says He “Made A Mistake”
17 Things We Learned From Tommy Pickles In “Rugrats” 17 Things We Learned From Tommy Pickles In “Rugrats”
Here’s What 15 Celebs Told Cardi B When “Bodak Yellow” Hit Number One Here’s What 15 Celebs Told Cardi B When “Bodak Yellow” Hit Number One

Leave a Reply

Submit Comment
© 1845 Hero Break. All rights reserved. XHTML / CSS Valid.
Proudly designed by Theme Junkie.